'Our love affair was a prickly thing I thought you were ugly and cruel But mysterious You enticed me back' This... I was planning another post, but given the current diplomatic crisis between the UK and Russia (and the world), this one feels more timely. As love affairs go, this one's been pretty damn big for me.... Moscow is my Himalayas. I start to breath differently there as soon as the plane hits the tarmac. It's a place to feel more alive. I realise not everyone feels like this. How do you learn to love something which initially seems off-putting? Well, this is the essence of tantra, and Russia has taught it to me well... 'Overcast and austere, you make me glad to be with you Unwelcoming, you embrace my soul Once more I breathe deeply in your feather-heavy air My belly bubbles the buzz none can hear' Often, the things which seem most 'difficult' are the ones most worth the effort. When I first visited Moscow in 1996, I can safely say I was not immediately in love with the place. It was big, dusty, unwelcoming, had horrible red tape, and all the good nightclubs were hidden un-signposted down some back street only to be reached using a hastily hand-drawn map. But there was something.... an excitement, a challenge, a significance, a secret, a promise of more. It is becoming a bit of a theme for me, but if you want to experience ecstasy, you need to embrace complexity - the 'good' and the 'bad'. It is only through transmuting the duality of these that you find genuine unconditionality and passion for life. Those red stars on top of the Kremlin get me every time.... (Also, y'know, Russians are not that difficult to get on with - lots of my favorite, favourite people in this lifetime have been and are Russian). Poetry heals, and here is a poem I wrote in Moscow two years ago in 2016, a whole twenty years after my first visit - celebrating the things that had changed, the things that hadn't, the memories, and the constant new-ness. I hope it goes some way to offering a fresh perspective. Am I old or young? This place tumbles my feelings Heaviness, overwhelm Until I melt into the flow Releasing the years in between Worn like barricades Can I still be one of you? In these spaces so grand I lose myself lightly Mischievous youth So present in every in-breath Every mouthful, every undiminished echo Still delightfully stern and unyielding Now flaunting glamour and poise A new-old presence reinvented again Laughter squeezes Between grid-locked cars Joy bursts out at stony walls A face this serious can only be pretending One tickle and here's a laugh It's flooding back to me I remember how to dance through this Lilac trees invite Tulips entice Red stars in the night Vibrating with stored knowing A constant landmark for our stories Yours, and mine Of course - you were my mentor! Shaping my young years Being the anarchy of aliveness A love of many lifetimes We must know each other well Connecting so deeply Your love-flow flavour Comes spontaneously to my lips I am here, now Dissolving the distance between us In the awe of your embrace I am always young Do we need a song? Hmmmm. Too much choice. I think on this occasion a traditional one...
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Tantra Mataji | confidence - freedom - passion |