 There is a lot of chatter about 'abundance' these days on the airwaves. A lot of talk about removing blockages to this abundance. What they are usually talking about is financial 'success' aka performance, and often a successful romantic relationship. If you're really lucky you'll meet your 'twin flame'... The trouble is, these desires are mostly a result of projection, and therefore lack. You want these things to compensate for what you don't currently have as a permanent state. Try thinking about abundance in a different way. How much bliss do you experience when you meditate? How many layers of appreciation do you feel when you listen to a piece of music or watch a movie? How deeply into your own body can you go and how much of the universe can you find there? How many nerve endings are activated when you interact with another who is not your lover. How much self-compassion do you have? When you start to truly have abundance in this inner way, you could choose to live in a cave and feel as if you have the whole world. For me, abundance is characterised by a pomegranate seed. It's a little red, juicy jewel in which you can find everything. Try looking at one with appreciation. When I was teaching myself this, I spent some time clocking little 'jewels' that I found in my life, and endowing them with appreciation, collecting them like trinkets - gifts to me from the Beloved. It's a good practice - how much 'juice' can you squeeze out of a little pleasure? Can you find pleasure in something you would normally resist? Make it into a game. When abundance really happens, it would be unusual for your external circumstances to not reflect this. But that's not why you do it, because a critical aspect of this is surrender and letting go. You let go of your performance-led goals, and start living like a poet or an artist. Celebrate your own creativity in any way that pleases you. If you treat yourself with something nice, do it in full consciousness out of self-compassion and make sure you enjoy every drop. Re-define abundance, and it will be more likely to work with you. I wrote a poem about these jewels of abundance a while back. Always a good reminder..... Jewels that I find: Shining pomegranate seeds Raspberry-laden bush Sweet watermelon French fancies, battenburg and Swiss roll Our love in these Abundantly smiling Like rubies and pearls Shared moments of laughter Sparkling rosé Glasses clinking and tinkling You make me coffee And I kiss you
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You might think these two videos don't belong in the same playlist, but I like to mix things up when I'm playing on YouTube. The first video is pretty mix-y already, but I've thrown in some Diana Ross for good measure. I discovered this version of the Naat Sharif for the first time today, and it's rather beautiful and haunting. You find out a lot about yourself when you do this. How does it make you feel to listen to each of these? What about in quick succession? Do they belong together or not? Is your mind trying to come to an opinion or judgement so that you can neatly file your reaction? Can you let your mind relax and absorb the totality of both? Which of the videos makes you feel more? Is either of them ringing your bell today?  You might be wondering why my writing is on the provocative side. Well the thing is, if you don't poke something, you don't see what it's made of. You won't find what unconscious beliefs are lurking unchallenged. You won't see what words and definitions spring to mind when someone's taken aback. If you cause a reaction, at least you have a starting point - you've seen where you stand. If not, a lot of lip service gets paid and no one makes any progress. How many faces of the divine feminine are there? We are beginning to rediscover these widely now through timeless archetypes of the 'goddess'. But how many faces of the feminine are actually allowed to be without attracting censure? You will find that when a woman puts her head above the parapet, she will immediately attract one or more 'definitions'. She may initially even like some of these definitions as they sound quite 'cool', but over time she'll find that they are essentially reductive. They are used to categorise and say, 'I don't have to engage with you fully as a serious being'. 'I know what you are - see I've got a name for it'. This occurs everywhere in our culture, you only need to look at the media to see. It's particularly prevalent in spirituality, where there is an unconscious culture of either the path of an 'aesthetic' or 'respectability'. It's very dualistic, which is what enlightenment purports to take you beyond, yet you see beings who really ought to know better still using stereotypes which are of no help to real women. Ladies, you are allowed to be female in all its guises, but you are also allowed to be not simply female: a whole being. You are allowed to play with many archetypes, and you're allowed to put them down. You are allowed to draw upon your positive male energy as and when required. You're allowed to be a mother, and you're also allowed to be something other. This is a long-y, but it's not boring..... This is not my name And this is not me either Neither one nor the other Nor anything in between You can't catch me like that With a label, with a small love... I dared to love and be dauntless And you called me a goddess You fell for me also So you feared I'm a witch I'm adept in a temple So perhaps it's a priestess I have children at home Now relax - I'm a mother But here comes the clincher: I embrace you as lover... I think you'll find All sorts of names for me now? You moved me You touched me You fired my divinity You wanted me Felt the flame Of innocent purity And as it turns out I'm not brahmacharyi Your expectations Are impossibly low Your responses Incomprehensibly slow Is your maya so great That you can't let go? If I quote a few scriptures You can call me a scholar Then I'll write a few lines And a mystic will be How about You give the lines to me? I have some words You can use: Lioness, leader, Razor-sharp mind Gun-toting, sharp shooting Kind Generous, loving Forgiving, chastising Delivering Lover of wine Guru, disciple Ambivalent everything Devoted, triumphing Shy Total, unwavering Trusting, surrendered Brutal From time to time Naked and soft Susceptible to loving Mover of energy Divine I am Shiva and Shakti Left handed and right Scales in balance But by you undefined As hero and maiden I'll slay you a dragon Then chain myself up And wait while you find me Don't try to contain me To own me with words To you I will not be bound This is my name The nameless ONE So take your angel and your Devi And your devotee and your nun And your good wife and your harlot And unite them into none Let me be empty Let me be loving Let me be free To respond to the truth To the love in you To the joy of infinity This is ME (Funny thing is, I don't think I read Shivoham by Adi Shankaracharya until after I'd written this. If you don't know it, here's a link with translation). You know what they say:  (Knowledge breaks the chains of slavery)
 This poem was inspired by two great men - Shams of Tabriz and Rumi. Now there was a love story! Before they met, Rumi was a respected Islamic scholar and cleric. After meeting Shams, his spiritual mentor, he transformed into possibly the greatest poet of all time. At some point, Shams disappeared from Rumi's life in mysterious circumstances (which are greatly debated). Throughout his life, however, Rumi attributed more and more of his poetry to Shams, finding him within himself. This may be a bit deep, but why do we have more than one of us in this life? I believe it's so we can admire the good in each other, the awesome qualities which are difficult to see in ourselves. We get to experience what 'we' look like wearing different clothes. Can you look into the eyes of another and see your own soul? Can you strip your own masks away to be that other? The experience is very real, very feeling, very love...  Just for fun: how many famous femmes can you name check in this poem (there are ten to find in all). This one is from shakti, in her many forms, to the divine masculine. I wavered on one of the words when I was writing, but have settled for the less mischievous option here. If you spot it, and want to swap it - make it your own.... There are many aspects of the feminine to embrace, if only as potentialities. Not all of them are pretty, but they can all be awesome. If we repress and deny, we will only make our shadow body more powerful. If we find something we don't find 'acceptable' inside us, what can we do with it? What higher use can we put it to? Who is judging it as 'good' or 'bad' in the first place? Fiddle dee dee So what if I'm bad? What if I get goosepimply All over Would you come up sometime And be pleased to see me? Like a prayer I'll whisper to you softly To justify my love for you Would you meet me on a train Cross country? And will you trust this dark, dark horse Who has a taste for Bad romance? Acknowledge me: Don't make me your Enemy I'm better than your wildest dreams Chinnamasta yoni veda I don't have all the answers But I sing because I have a song If I drown my sorrows Please forgive I love you more Than My own skin  I am Sati Reborn I have no Money Time Or fame Yet with Singleminded- ness That scares me I am Making Myself Yours We have Enough love To heal The cosmos This is all I have To work with And the Air I breathe… Stop! Turns out This is quite A lot I'm having a Pointer Sisters moment. So much great shakti energy. If I ever have an ashram, it's going to have a disco room where you can go and boogie 24/7. A big spa pool with turquoise waters and a waterfall. A quiet room with walls covered in inspirational quotes. Lots of green grass. But I'll start with the disco room :) Anyone coming?  Being is exhausting. Spending all day holding together your self-constructed identity will tire you out.
How about letting go? The ego will never manage to overcome the problem that it simply doesn't exist. But it will keep you wretched trying. Not being on the other hand is easy. You don't have to work at it. Relax and let the cosmos breathe through your nothingness.
Eight jointed
Limbs Move so delicate Precisely Mataji matter-of-factly As hunter Weaving her moment Holding me in icy Rapture The mother Devouring her own In a humorous gulp Sharing the love-play At this beautiful killer Tickling me With her self-contained Power What did we create And why? Darkly female This is me In this and her Petrified By my poison And fangs Scapegoating The terror To an innocent spider Mataji Crackling with the mystery Of love and fear Tingling my limbs With crawling memories Feeling the pin-sharp Encounter You made her Accept it She is you In lightness Dissolve fear Into oneness And watch her Creator Beholder, beheld In love I have been been getting increasingly aggravated by adverts for workshops teaching the physical aspect of tantra. There has been a whole lot of not signing up on my part. They leave me uneasy. Recently, the penny dropped - its all about the integrity of approach... Perhaps if I knew nothing, it would be different, but there is an inherent tension between my inner knowing and experience, and what I see in these adverts. Nothing has spoken to my soul.
If I see a stock photo of a glamorous-looking couple, or a sultry female model used to promote what they are teaching, before I've even read anything I am in a state of tension. Tantra is about relaxing and accepting who you are, going within, and here someone is getting me to look at someone else (looking outside myself) in order to sign up to their stuff. We already know what 'selling sex' looks like - it's all around us all the time teaching us to be consumers. And then, here it is again somewhere it shouldn't be. Tantra with a partner is about relaxation, allowance, not having to 'perform' or achieve anything, total compassion for self and ones partner, acceptance, a state of childlike innocence, playfulness, devotion. Being naked? Yes, but in the metaphorical sense, of removing your masks, going back to that Garden of Eden state of innocence, of feeling it's the first time every time. So, if someone tries to sell me tantra by listing the number of different types of orgasm that are possible, they are already trying to sell by pushing subtly into the realms of 'performance'. Comparing my 'performance' to something else and creating a perceived lack. Guess what? My molecules simply aren't responding. Part of me is thinking: 'You were itemising? You must have been really carried away with that experience'. It's often about the tone: compassion v. aggression. This can be very subtle, but if there is a testimonial saying someone achieved the 'best sex ever', we are uncomfortably in the latter, and to me it's not tantra. Visually, the tone often looks rather 'adult'. Ranging from burlesque to private sex shop to Moroccan harem. You can do what you like in your own time, but this speaks to me of imposing your own vision, which is the opposite of putting me in touch with my own inner self and allowing something to evolve. I have one book which includes friendly, innocent, line drawings of a range of different types of couples. The tone throughout is warm and compassionate, take it or leave it, try this or don't, do all of these techniques or just one. It stands out from the crowd, and so far alone, in terms of integrity and the amount of love which oozes out from its pages (message me if you want to have the recommendation). Why is no one talking about joy? lightness? absolution? Where is the humour? Are you breaking into song, writing poems, spontaneously dancing, creating works of art? Are you allowed to feel a bit daft? If you can do all of those things, you might convince me that you have something to offer. If not, I think I can probably manage. |
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