Mataji

There has been a false widow spider just outside my backdoor for a few months now (I looked it up - she has the markings). I keep looking at her wondering how long spiders live, and 'urgh she's still there' every time I pass. She only comes out at night. 
Is she going to get 'dealt with'?
Not sure.
In the meantime, I'm trying to quell my natural repulsion. I say 'Hi, Mataji!' when I go past, swiftly followed by 'Don't you have any babies'.
Really, why am I scared of other 'me's ? How do I bring myself to a point where they present no threat?
​What part of me that I'm scared of does she represent?
What can she teach me?
In the meantime, I wrote her an ode...

Eight jointed 
Limbs
Move so delicate
Precisely
Mataji matter-of-factly
As hunter
Weaving her moment
Holding me in icy
Rapture
The mother
Devouring her own
In a humorous gulp
Sharing the love-play
At this beautiful killer 
Tickling me
With her self-contained
Power
What did we create
And why?
Darkly female
This is me
In this and her
Petrified 
By my poison
And fangs
Scapegoating
The terror
To an innocent spider
Mataji
Crackling with the mystery
Of love and fear
Tingling my limbs
With crawling memories
Feeling the pin-sharp
Encounter
You made her
Accept it
She is you
In lightness
Dissolve fear 
Into oneness
And watch her
Creator
Beholder, beheld
In love