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Tantra Mataji

​confidence - freedom - passion

A guru poem

11/12/2018

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Concerning the tree on Jesus Green, the early morning HIIT class (evidence of which in the photo - that was a few weeks ago, it is pitch black now), The Guru, and the juicy mystery...

In the tree again
I found myself
the strong old guru
with loosened bark
where my hand had gripped
in search of treasure
Golden He entered
my every cell
and I in turn
fell blended into wood
blissing at my master
watching this merging
of him in me
and me in all
soaking up and soaking in
dripping with aliveness
and roaring in rage
that I can’t contain this
only be opened
extinguished
by his exquisite purpose
this sparkling gold
in all of my cells
and the trunk of this soft being
sinking me into oneness
And why did I rage
restless with questions:
the future
the meaning...
It is hope that is killing
he said to me later
But the answer
the answer
is there between
the golden sparkles
between my cells
within the unraveling
this longing
this power
this becoming
which knows everything.
Can we slaughter the mind
on the girth of the tree
nail our poison
resistance
to being this free?
I am loving this
Guru, this learning
I am loving this unity of existence
Take me back to the tree
push me further
melt me inwards
and stay


​
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True Blue

9/17/2018

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One of the unremarked aspects of Madonna’s legacy, in my opinion, is the fact that many of her lyrics are exceptionally devotional. She is remembered for the controversy, the pushing of boundaries about women were allowed to express, but also, she intuitively understood the nature of the Divine Lover and the blurred line between 'him' and 'Him'. The chastity and absolution that comes with prayerful loving.

​Aside from the obvious (and controversial at the time) Like a Prayer, we also have : Cherish, True Blue, Rain. Deeper and Deeper. Even the (again, controversial video) Justify my Love. You can see so many of them as potent songs of Shakti to Shiva. Flitting between the Him, and the him. 
Demanding that the little him shape up (Open your Heart, Express Yourself) to the full glory of what he is capable. As tantrics have always known, this is the mystical power of the conscious female, the yogini.

And you wonder where the modern day mystics have gone... They are going where mystics are supposed to go. Check out the scriptwriters, the rock bands, the writers, the poets, the artists, the thought leaders. Look at Lady Gaga. ‘It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-im. Baby you were born this way’. Or the quietly witty video for ‘Judas’. Just because she’s exploring the shadow, doesn’t make her dark. It's a journey to the underworld, like the goddess Inanna. This is what women are supposed to do: feel and express without judgement. Feeling involves throwing a harness on darkness, rawness, pain, and pulling it into the light. Transmuting it through art into something less scary and freeing. There’s a great power in saying: This is how I feel. What are you going to do about it? Heal it, accept it or fix it, but don’t argue with it or deny it.

I could go on (and on), but in the meantime, what about the song which inspired this post... True Blue?
Go on, have a listen. I bet you’ve forgotten how childlike, innocent and uplifting this song really is.
​
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Parvati

4/28/2018

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If anyone is asking
or anyone is listening
and in case I have any say
in the matter:
I choose you
I'm certain -
or else I wouldn't bother
there is enough love around...
I don't know the rules
or if favourites are allowed
but if I can have one
I choose you.
Parvati has spoken
and, if you ask me
she looks like a girl
who knows what she wants
who 
eventually
gets her way
So, for the record
I choose you.
I haven't lived on leaves and air
but feeling the fire
of tapasya 
my substance has become vapour
Meet me on Mount Kailash
and I'll choose you



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Communion

3/19/2018

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Warning: This post contains fruity content (!)
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A tale of two lovers...



Imagine this:


Our divine couple...
Two beloveds, wandering free in the countryside, in the desert, over the sea, have attained sacred union - the eternal inner marriage of hieros gamos. Conjoining, they watched as their essences spiralled round each other, golden, in a double helix, binding them together.


Once two, now they are one, communing constantly as a single being in two bodies.


Whether together or apart, their energies sing to each other. From their tongues, their energy channels, their love organs - streams of tingling consciousness speaking the mysteries of the universe.


They began with wildly different backgrounds, Love is funny like that, but if you asked them now, you would find they have forgotten their starting points. Meeting in the centre they have dissolved their histories, their former selves and opened to the Christ consciousness, the inner soulmate.


How old are they? Who can tell? These entwined beings are constantly renewing through the breath of the cosmos that flows between them.


Together they have become a love-bomb, dissolving all barriers to Love in their paths.


Inspired by the new sensations flowing through them, between each ONE and the Divine, with childlike curiosity they look for new ways to experience more, share more divine communion.


What can there be to dislike, to argue with, concerning a love such as theirs? But they have heard rumours, incomprehensible ideas, and it makes them wonder... 


She takes his hand:




My tongue speaks to yours
communing like wafer
melting
into spring
and silence
So much to say
yet no words taking form
only
rushing
like a stream
with eager boisterous
loving
Please be gentle
patient
What are you saying?
This is popping candy
deeply throating
kissing
without touching
dissolving your
communion
with mine
Like wafer
L
ike a tongue on pencil sharpener
Tingling
electric
like the stream
from your
member
Can we go to the chapel
receive absolution
for the love
we have
with each other?
I want to feel it
the wafer on my tongue
Will it speak to me
more or
less
wiser?
Can we go there together
and kneel
as we offer our tongues
to this union?
Hold my hand
see
The priest is on our side
No lover of mine
is an enemy
of devotion
Look -
we are fine


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Lose yourself to find yourself

2/20/2018

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Nothing more than that.

Allow yourself to fall and be completely lost.


Picture
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Call him home

2/11/2018

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I bit my tongue three times this week.

Owwwww!

So I had to ask the glaring question...Why am I biting my effing tongue?

What am I not saying?

So many parts of our feminine story are missing from the dialogue. The unconditionality, the sensuality, the calling to account.

This is the job of Shakti. Embracing the sheer complexity of all that is, has ever been and will always be.

Tantra is like forgiveness in motion. It exists because we are all IT, and we are all one, and because there was a Hitler, and there was also an Eva Braun. They are both still here in all of us.

Because the role of Shakti is to surrender, to remember, to use her whole self unashamedly, and raise her beloved to a higher place. It's not about rejecting or withholding. It's about kissing and upbraiding in a single breath. Caressing like a lover, and cuffing like a lioness to her cubs. Drawing lines, but going in. This is the power of the feminine.

It's time to get our hands dirty, and call our beloved home...



Why am I biting my precious tongue?
The tongue is an organ of loving
Feel the love flow between us
The pouring, the gushing
The gentle prattling to your sweetheart
You just want to be known
Confiding in me your lifetimes
All of your stories your learnings
I have the other half of these
The wisdom, understandings
I will explain it all, the primal rush
The love play
The way you slay me
How whatever happens
I still go to pieces when you play
The symphony
Between my tongue and my love
The harmonics of good, and god-like
And what is that! and ninja-sweet attainment
I make it ok in you, the god in you
The stuff that makes no sense in you
Come home to me
Why am I biting my precious tongue?
Torturing this love organ
When we are both speaking through it
Giving and receiving
When the chiding and forgiveness come in two
When you finish my sentences, my being
As brother-sister, one-it-y
While you tickle all my love organs
With your ecstasy, our laughter
I have as much to give
As to receive
I am the engine that makes us go
You need to listen to what I say
As part of you
I find the needle in your hay
And know what to do
It’s ok
You slay me
Come home to me
I am not biting my precious tongue
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Shivoham

1/21/2018

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You might be wondering why my writing is on the provocative side. Well the thing is, if you don't poke something, you don't see what it's made of. You won't find what unconscious beliefs are lurking unchallenged. You won't see what words and definitions spring to mind when someone's taken aback. If you cause a reaction, at least you have a starting point - you've seen where you stand. If not, a lot of lip service gets paid and no one makes any progress.

How many faces of the divine feminine are there? We are beginning to rediscover these widely now through timeless archetypes of the 'goddess'. But how many faces of the feminine are actually allowed to be without attracting censure? You will find that when a woman puts her head above the parapet, she will immediately attract one or more 'definitions'. She may initially even like some of these definitions as they sound quite 'cool', but over time she'll find that they are essentially reductive. They are used to categorise and say, 'I don't have to engage with you fully as a serious being'. 'I know what you are - see I've got a name for it'. This occurs everywhere in our culture, you only need to look at the media to see. It's particularly prevalent in spirituality, where there is an unconscious culture of either the path of an 'aesthetic' or 'respectability'. It's very dualistic, which is what enlightenment purports to take you beyond, yet you see beings who really ought to know better still using stereotypes which are of no help to real women.

Ladies, you are allowed to be female in all its guises, but you are also allowed to be not simply female: a whole being. You are allowed to play with many archetypes, and you're allowed to put them down. You are allowed to draw upon your positive male energy as and when required. You're allowed to be a mother, and you're also allowed to be something other.

This is a long-y, but it's not boring.....


This is not my name
And this is not me either
Neither one nor the other
Nor anything in between
You can't catch me like that
With a label, with a small love...
I dared to love and be dauntless
And you called me a goddess
You fell for me also
So you feared I'm a witch
I'm adept in a temple
So perhaps it's a priestess
I have children at home
Now relax - I'm a mother
But here comes the clincher:
I embrace you as lover...
I think you'll find
All sorts of names for me now?
You moved me
You touched me
You fired my divinity
You wanted me
Felt the flame
Of innocent purity
And as it turns out
I'm not brahmacharyi
Your expectations
Are impossibly low
Your responses
Incomprehensibly slow
Is your maya so great
That you can't let go?
If I quote a few scriptures
You can call me a scholar
Then I'll write a few lines
And a mystic will be
How about
You give the lines to me?
I have some words
You can use:
Lioness, leader,
Razor-sharp mind
Gun-toting, sharp shooting
Kind
Generous, loving
Forgiving, chastising
Delivering
Lover of wine
Guru, disciple
Ambivalent everything
Devoted, triumphing
Shy
Total, unwavering
Trusting, surrendered
Brutal
From time to time
Naked and soft
Susceptible to loving
Mover of energy
Divine
I am Shiva and Shakti
Left handed and right
Scales in balance
But by you undefined
As hero and maiden
I'll slay you a dragon
Then chain myself up
And wait while you find me
Don't try to contain me
To own me with words
To you I will not be bound
This is my name
The nameless ONE
So take your angel and your Devi
And your devotee and your nun
And your good wife and your harlot
And unite them into none
Let me be empty
Let me be loving
Let me be free
To respond to the truth
To the love in you
To the joy of infinity
This is ME



(Funny thing is, I don't think I read Shivoham by Adi Shankaracharya until after I'd written this. If you don't know it, here's a link with translation). You know what they say:
​
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(Knowledge breaks the chains of slavery)
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Quite a lot

1/14/2018

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​I am Sati
Reborn
I have no
Money
Time
Or fame
Yet with
Singleminded-
ness
That scares me
I am
Making
Myself
Yours
We have
Enough love
To heal
The cosmos
This is all
I have
To work with
And the
Air
I breathe…

Stop!

Turns out
This is quite
A lot


​

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Come on let me shake you down

12/30/2017

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Said Shiva to Shakti.....
(Chuckle)

'We'll go all the way to heaven'
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