Killing me softly

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As an assassin 
Gently whispers in the ear 
Of his victim
As he lowers him to the ground
Eyes wide in wonder at his fate
Awaiting the last breath
You speak in tongues
Like an incantation or last rite
And soothing 
Stroke my hair
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So, when Babaji first came into my experience, I remember being under the impression that I was in a safe pair of hands...

(Laughs hysterically)

Well, kinda.

You know, I didn't know that much about him. I'd never read Yogananda's Autobiography of a Yogi, so I did what any sane person would do in that situation - I Googled him.

And I came across a couple of stories from that book, including this terrifying one which takes place in the Himalayas with Babaji and his group of disciples:

So I read this story, and then I read it again.
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'Phew, is that you?' I said. 'You're tougher than I am'.
And I wasn't sure what I meant by that at all....
And I turned it over and over in my mind, but my mind couldn't make sense of it.

But my whole being was switched ON.

And I still felt safe, because the part of me that was real was safe, but really, this should have been a great big neon flashing warning sign. (Retrospect is a great wise thing).

There was a lot of jumping. There might have been some pushing - the jury's out.
Some of it was fun, some of it was earth shattering, some was excruciating in ways that I have trouble explaining in any kind of linear way. And bits of me were falling off all over the place, shattering, breaking, dissolving.

And I would be asking around fifty times a day 'Are we there yet?'

We must surely be there?

You need to trust the one you've chosen to destroy you, even if you didn't quite see the whole of it coming at the beginning, and you need to feel as if it's a safe pair of hands. That it's worth all the jumping because you'll have a better experience after. Does your 'killer' look as if they're having a good time? This is important when it gets tough.

So, lest we forget, as we talk about awakening, enlightenment, ascenscion, consciousness and all the rest of these words that get bandied around, this journey is about dying. Letting go of all attachments to the body, the identity, the morality,  the respectability, the good, the bad and the ugly. Becoming completely empty so that you are like an open window for the divine wind to blow through. Getting over yourself and getting out of your own way. And laughing, because you can't continue to take seriously what doesn't exist. 

And really, if you're going to go, there are worse ways to go than by falling into Love...



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