As an assassin Gently whispers in the ear Of his victim As he lowers him to the ground Eyes wide in wonder at his fate Awaiting the last breath You speak in tongues Like an incantation or last rite And soothing Stroke my hair So, when Babaji first came into my experience, I remember being under the impression that I was in a safe pair of hands... (Laughs hysterically) Well, kinda. You know, I didn't know that much about him. I'd never read Yogananda's Autobiography of a Yogi, so I did what any sane person would do in that situation - I Googled him. And I came across a couple of stories from that book, including this terrifying one which takes place in the Himalayas with Babaji and his group of disciples: So I read this story, and then I read it again. 'Phew, is that you?' I said. 'You're tougher than I am'. And I wasn't sure what I meant by that at all.... And I turned it over and over in my mind, but my mind couldn't make sense of it. But my whole being was switched ON. And I still felt safe, because the part of me that was real was safe, but really, this should have been a great big neon flashing warning sign. (Retrospect is a great wise thing). There was a lot of jumping. There might have been some pushing - the jury's out. Some of it was fun, some of it was earth shattering, some was excruciating in ways that I have trouble explaining in any kind of linear way. And bits of me were falling off all over the place, shattering, breaking, dissolving. And I would be asking around fifty times a day 'Are we there yet?' We must surely be there? You need to trust the one you've chosen to destroy you, even if you didn't quite see the whole of it coming at the beginning, and you need to feel as if it's a safe pair of hands. That it's worth all the jumping because you'll have a better experience after. Does your 'killer' look as if they're having a good time? This is important when it gets tough. So, lest we forget, as we talk about awakening, enlightenment, ascenscion, consciousness and all the rest of these words that get bandied around, this journey is about dying. Letting go of all attachments to the body, the identity, the morality, the respectability, the good, the bad and the ugly. Becoming completely empty so that you are like an open window for the divine wind to blow through. Getting over yourself and getting out of your own way. And laughing, because you can't continue to take seriously what doesn't exist. And really, if you're going to go, there are worse ways to go than by falling into Love...
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You might think these two videos don't belong in the same playlist, but I like to mix things up when I'm playing on YouTube. The first video is pretty mix-y already, but I've thrown in some Diana Ross for good measure. I discovered this version of the Naat Sharif for the first time today, and it's rather beautiful and haunting. You find out a lot about yourself when you do this. How does it make you feel to listen to each of these? What about in quick succession? Do they belong together or not? Is your mind trying to come to an opinion or judgement so that you can neatly file your reaction? Can you let your mind relax and absorb the totality of both? Which of the videos makes you feel more? Is either of them ringing your bell today? I have been been getting increasingly aggravated by adverts for workshops teaching the physical aspect of tantra. There has been a whole lot of not signing up on my part. They leave me uneasy. Recently, the penny dropped - its all about the integrity of approach... Perhaps if I knew nothing, it would be different, but there is an inherent tension between my inner knowing and experience, and what I see in these adverts. Nothing has spoken to my soul.
If I see a stock photo of a glamorous-looking couple, or a sultry female model used to promote what they are teaching, before I've even read anything I am in a state of tension. Tantra is about relaxing and accepting who you are, going within, and here someone is getting me to look at someone else (looking outside myself) in order to sign up to their stuff. We already know what 'selling sex' looks like - it's all around us all the time teaching us to be consumers. And then, here it is again somewhere it shouldn't be. Tantra with a partner is about relaxation, allowance, not having to 'perform' or achieve anything, total compassion for self and ones partner, acceptance, a state of childlike innocence, playfulness, devotion. Being naked? Yes, but in the metaphorical sense, of removing your masks, going back to that Garden of Eden state of innocence, of feeling it's the first time every time. So, if someone tries to sell me tantra by listing the number of different types of orgasm that are possible, they are already trying to sell by pushing subtly into the realms of 'performance'. Comparing my 'performance' to something else and creating a perceived lack. Guess what? My molecules simply aren't responding. Part of me is thinking: 'You were itemising? You must have been really carried away with that experience'. It's often about the tone: compassion v. aggression. This can be very subtle, but if there is a testimonial saying someone achieved the 'best sex ever', we are uncomfortably in the latter, and to me it's not tantra. Visually, the tone often looks rather 'adult'. Ranging from burlesque to private sex shop to Moroccan harem. You can do what you like in your own time, but this speaks to me of imposing your own vision, which is the opposite of putting me in touch with my own inner self and allowing something to evolve. I have one book which includes friendly, innocent, line drawings of a range of different types of couples. The tone throughout is warm and compassionate, take it or leave it, try this or don't, do all of these techniques or just one. It stands out from the crowd, and so far alone, in terms of integrity and the amount of love which oozes out from its pages (message me if you want to have the recommendation). Why is no one talking about joy? lightness? absolution? Where is the humour? Are you breaking into song, writing poems, spontaneously dancing, creating works of art? Are you allowed to feel a bit daft? If you can do all of those things, you might convince me that you have something to offer. If not, I think I can probably manage. Don’t offer me anything Or I’ll think it’s a bargain: Just give Be the sun Shining Where I didn’t expect it Make me weep With relief That you are here Sit next to me Loving whatever you see Not needing And I’ll give you All I have It's just under two weeks since I wrote this poem and within days I received my first 'response', then another. The trick? I identified clearly and specifically what it was that I wanted: that experience of someone just seeing what you need, 'getting it' and you not having to ask. Although one of my new year intentions is to ask for what I need, I also want to not have to ask, especially at the moment. I don't currently want to sift through masses of information, go to a workshop, read books, attend webinars, watch any video that's longer than 10 minutes. At this point in time I don't want someone to pass me a 'gift' or recommendation that will take up more of my limited time. So you might be wondering, how do I get this 'giving' business right? Isn't it the done thing to check you're not overstepping the mark with whatever it is you're suggesting? Whenever two people come together in any situation (work, friendships, family, love) they start to form a third unit which is the two of them combining. In order for this relationship to be satisfying to both, one of them then falls into the role of giver, and the other of receiver. They may bounce the roles back and forward as many times as they like, but the key factor is the quality of the giving. This is because the giver is at any given time, the one who is in the dominant 'male', role and therefore 'leading', as in a dance (note: by 'dominant' I do not mean aggressive). The receiver is in the 'feminine' role. You may have heard people talking about learning to 'receive more'. This only works if you know what good giving looks like, and are able to identify and reject fake giving. Effective giving leaves you feeling looked after and satisfied, disfunctional giving leaves you feeling confused and in a state of tension which will eventually come between you and the other person. For example, you chat to a friend saying how you'd like a night out with your other half, you haven't had one in ages, and they say to you, 'I could babysit for you sometime'.... There is a likelihood you might never take them up on it, as you're not convinced they really mean it. They haven't followed through. You have the responsibility of actioning this - picking a date, asking if they're free. You don't want to impose on them. Maybe they were just being kind etc. However, if they say to you right away 'ok, when are you both free? How about this Saturday? I am not doing anything and it's no problem - I can play with the kids and watch a movie'. Then you are more likely to be able to receive. Think about it, in the first situation you probably feel heavy and lacklustre towards the offer (the responsibility is yours), in the second scenario you most likely start smiling and feeling lighter even if Saturday is initially not the right day for you. Another example: you receive a Christmas card or Facebook message from someone you haven't seen in ages who says 'we must meet up', or 'hope to see you in 2018'. How are you supposed to respond to this? It is neither giving nor receiving. You feel you need to either take the initiative (which you may not do, as you're not convinced they really want to see you), or quietly file it. How do you feel? If they said, 'We haven't caught up in ages, I'll phone/email you soon to set up a date' - you are feeling more optimistic and perhaps pleasantly surprised. Your employer tells you 'we really value you' but can't currently offer you a pay rise. How do you feel? Confused, in doubt, low in energy towards your work? What would a 'real giving' approach look like? Perhaps: 'I can't do anything right now, but in three months time we'll sit down with HR and see what can be done - let's put it straight in the diary'. That feels more positive. You may not be 100% satisfied with the situation, but how do you feel about the relationship? This is tantra, and it works for all your relationships. To get this right, you need to bring yourself into resonance with the person in question and think of them as a part of you. Instead of small talk (or while you're warming up), ask yourself 'What does this person need from me right now?', 'What might they be trying to give me?'. Breathe and feel into the space in between you. Assume that if you've found yourself in the same place as someone at the same time, that there is an effective interaction to be had. Stop for a moment and allow an idea or intuition to surface rather than just filling the space with chatter because silence is too 'real'. When you are having a conversation with someone observe how the roles change - if you are just chatting, who is giving and who is receiving? If you are asking someone to listen to you while you get something off your chest, you are actually receiving and they are giving you the space to talk and their attention. Do you want advice (unless you've asked for it, probably not, you just want them to listen). How can you make your giving better? Can you be more specific about what you want to receive? Once you understand quality giving, you are more able to receive freely, as you understand that someone who is giving effectively is gaining great satisfaction. There will be a flow of trust, love and enthusiasm in your relationship which will keep it energised and vibrant. You also need to actively root out fake giving. Fake giving allows the other party to trick themselves into feeling good in their mind, but they're actually subconsciously messing with you. This is how the ego works - it gets you to slither out of quality interactions, thus keeping you in a state of separation. People do this all the time and it results in poor relationships or destroys them completely. Somewhere you are not being authentic, If you spot fake or ineffective giving from one of your relationships, make sure you test it - throw it back to the other party and make sure they know it's their responsibility. 'What do you suggest?', 'When do you suggest'. 'What do you suggest we do about it?'. That way, even on a subconscious level, you will be forcing them to respond to you better, with more love. If you've started to 'go off' them, and the relationship is waning, realise that this is the disfunction talking, not the real person. If you are able to kickstart good giving and receiving, you will warm to them again and them to you. Tantra is an art, and it thrives on allowing, being present and authentic, not 'performing'. If you felt forced into fake giving, or giving that didn't leave you satisfied, you are probably falling into the mistake of performing. Why did you feel you had to do that? Whose expectations were they? So practice giving, and identify examples of real giving in your own life. Receiving will then fall into place. Now, time for a song from one of my favourite musicals - My Fair Lady. Listen to what the lady says.... Said Shiva to Shakti..... (Chuckle) 'We'll go all the way to heaven' |
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Tantra Mataji | confidence - freedom - passion |